It’s the one day of your life when you’re with the person you love most, surrounded by your dearest family and friends, and looking like the Hollywood version of yourself. Why wouldn’t you want everyone to see the photos? Weddings are made for social media — but pitfalls abound. Here’s our best advice for proper social media wedding etiquette.

Social media wedding etiquette for the bride and groom

Do set up a wedding hashtag or geofilter.

Yes, people love to make fun of wedding hashtags — especially the icky-cute ones, or those involving puns. But they do serve a purpose, allowing guests and the couple to find all the pictures on Instagram. Choose one that’s simple and unique (so your photos aren’t mixed up with some other happy couple’s). Consider making a wedding geofilter for Snapchat, too. The Knot has a handy tool to help.

Don’t take crazy risks for social media.

Some couples become famous (for a minute) because their wedding photos go viral. Remember the wildfire wedding? Or the Canadian couple who strolled hand-in-hand as a tornado approached? As dramatic as their photos were, these are not scenes you should intentionally try to recreate.

Do know that it’s OK to have an unplugged wedding.

It’s perfectly proper to ask guests not to snap and share photos from your wedding. The trick is asking politely. You don’t want to appear as if you’re worried about unflattering photos. Instead, explain to guests that you’re inviting them to be fully present at the ceremony, or say you simply prefer to keep it private.

Don’t get angry at people who share wedding photos when you’ve asked them not to.

So you ordered a cute “unplugged wedding” sign from Etsy to gently remind guests to put their phones away… but immediately after the ceremony, you discover that a friend has already posted 15 pictures to Instagram. Deep breath. Wedding guests are just that — your guests — and it is not okay to berate them. Take it in stride and be glad your friends are excited.

Do focus on guests’ experience over optics.

You have the perfect vision in mind for your reception: guests dining in the formal garden, in the soft glow of lantern light. But the night ends up being cooler than expected, and guests are shivering as they sip their cocktails. Time for Plan B: Move everyone into the heated banquet hall. It’s not quite as Instagrammable, but wedding etiquette dictates that guests’ comfort comes first.

Do use social media to thank your wedding vendors.

If you’re thrilled with the service provided by your DJ, caterer, planner or wedding cake baker, don’t forget to give them credit. At minimum, tag them in photos praising their work; or, when you have time, write a thoughtful review.

Do keep honeymoon details to yourself.

One cute picture of the newlyweds relaxing on the sand? Lovely. One hundred pictures of the newlyweds kissing, embracing and enjoying breakfast in bed? Not so lovely. Keep in mind that while people do want to share your wedding joy, they genuinely don’t want to be a part of the honeymoon. That’s just for you and your sweetie.

Social media wedding etiquette for guests

Do honor the couple’s wishes for privacy.

Don’t be the person who ignores the “no social media, please” sign just because you captured the perfect photo of the first dance. If you know that the couple has requested a social media-free wedding, or a delay in posting pictures, you can’t grant yourself an exception.

Don’t post spoilers.

When you’re a guest or a member of the wedding party, you never want to sabotage the couple’s grand entrances.  “Do not ever post a photo of the bride in her dress before her walk down the aisle, or in the reception room before the doors open to guests,” says wedding social media strategist Samantha Roberts. “You never want to reveal any big moments before they happen in real time.”^1

Don’t post wedding disasters, either.

Few weddings go exactly as planned. Sometimes the flower girl throws a tantrum, or the ringbearer trips. Sometimes the groom’s pants fall down, or the bride tumbles off her unicorn. If you capture a moment like this, resist the urge to share it! You can send your hilarious picture to the couple directly, if they have a good sense of humor about the mishap.

Don’t get in the way of the professional photographer.

When the wedding party’s all lined up and smiling, it’s tempting to sneak up next to the photographer and grab a few pictures of your own. “Look over here!” you shout — and as everyone’s eyes go to you, the shot is spoiled. Let the pro do his or her work. Chances are the couple will gladly share those photos with you.

Do be conscious of your audience.

If you’re at a fabulous destination wedding, remember who’s seeing your posts of the five-star resort and shimmering sands. Often people, even close friends, and family, have to decline an invitation to a destination wedding because of the expense. When tons of lavish photos pour out of your feed, that may be a painful reminder of the fun they had to miss.

Get more advice on guest etiquette for destination weddings.

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